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as i lay me down to sleep

February 20th, 2019

I lie awake at night

Heart bleeding out empty onto the

empty bedsheets

The ceilingsky so vast above me freckled

like a memory

I cant remember whether i was projecting

through space or whether i



who i am or was also flits through

my head aches from lying on my back

pushing against the wall next to my bed

my only tactile stimulation

or is it from the thoughts

my skull might crack

i think of you

and you

and you and you and you

and you and you and them and him and


and us and Us and us and us and us

and how we were together and

how We are together and how together we are

and how together we were and

how together i now am

and how we got together and how they got together and

how i got together

i lie awake at night thinking or perhaps dreaming

in that space between

wake and sleep

It's all so confusing yet so clear

how everything can be nothing and nothing can be everything

from everything i was born and to nothing i will return

My births a thousand times through fire live

in my memories and my future

in my scarred and battered palms

in the night time purgatory and the sanctuary of

my bent head eyes

turned upward


forgiveness and solace

hoping pleading remorseful alone

Death reaching out like

a promise or a judgment

we touch fingers and shivers run through me

a tear slides down my face because

ive been here before in this space


in this space

tranquil or longing or terrified

will Death be like the others

I lie awake at night

Empty heart bleeding out onto

the empty bedsheets so

Vast above me the freckled

ceilingsky like a



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