February 20th, 2019
I lie awake at night
Heart bleeding out empty onto the
empty bedsheets
The ceilingsky so vast above me freckled
like a memory
I cant remember whether i was projecting
through space or whether i
am
was?
who i am or was also flits through
my head aches from lying on my back
pushing against the wall next to my bed
my only tactile stimulation
or is it from the thoughts
my skull might crack
i think of you
and you
and you and you and you
and you and you and them and him and
Him
and us and Us and us and us and us
and how we were together and
how We are together and how together we are
and how together we were and
how together i now am
and how we got together and how they got together and
how i got together
i lie awake at night thinking or perhaps dreaming
in that space between
wake and sleep
It's all so confusing yet so clear
how everything can be nothing and nothing can be everything
from everything i was born and to nothing i will return
My births a thousand times through fire live
in my memories and my future
in my scarred and battered palms
in the night time purgatory and the sanctuary of
my bent head eyes
turned upward
seeking
forgiveness and solace
hoping pleading remorseful alone
Death reaching out like
a promise or a judgment
we touch fingers and shivers run through me
a tear slides down my face because
ive been here before in this space
intimate
in this space
tranquil or longing or terrified
will Death be like the others
I lie awake at night
Empty heart bleeding out onto
the empty bedsheets so
Vast above me the freckled
ceilingsky like a
memory