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January 1st, 2019

Tell me about love.

im a novice. I believed I knew a bit about love, but it turns out all I knew was how to let myself get hurt. they say you do crazy things for love, as though that's an admirable quality. but how much should you do for love? if there is someone who you believe you share love with crushes down your spirit, should you do the crazy thing of letting them back into your heart time and time again? at what point do you consider the line crossed? they say love is a sacrifice-- but how much are we expected to sacrifice before we have to stop? sacrifice my body. sacrifice my time. sacrifice my emotions. sacrifice my temper. sacrifice my sanity. sacrifice my relationships. but still im expected to come back for more. more of what? what overwhelmingly good times am I alleged to be having that make the sacrifices worth it? what happens when that rose colored lens is tinted with your blood? sleepless nights spent curled in a ball, crying alone. is this the price of love? days spent in a fog of numbness after an overloaded night of heated tempers. do I have love? I thought I did. I thought I knew what love felt like. maybe, though, I was simply conditioned by my past to think that love could look like what I had. somehow I left unhappier than I left my childhood. I don't think love should have to feel like what I had; along with the pain of the aftermath that follows-- but maybe I've just seen too many movies. in my experience the movies have been wrong about every other aspect of life- so why should I believe this one?


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